Leaving
by natalia5345
Summary: Tag for Dominon - Vala's 'memories' surrounding her leaving the SGC


Leaving

A Dominion Tag I wrote as my first fic a few months ago, previously posted on my LiveJournal but now i'm working on getting going on here! this is just a quick story about Vala's 'memories' of leaving the SGC in Dominion. - shouldn't be more than a G rating (K)

Thanks to Erin for beta-ing

Disclaimer - I get to play in my head, MGM gets to play for real. Stargate and its characters belong to MGM and the stargate writers!

_**Leaving**_

--

_She should have left right away. _

For the majority of her life, Vala's best defence against a difficult situation had been a quick escape. At first glance this situation was nothing new – another threat to be dealt with. The IOA. Confinement to Area 51. Her hatred for small spaces not withstanding, confinement – being held against her will, not allowed to come and go as she pleased – was something that triggered an innate flight response within her. As always her brain told her to escape.

_She should have left right away. But she couldn't._

The locked door to her room – now her cell – was hardly a challenge. Skirting through the corridors avoiding the guards and cameras was easy enough as well. Vala's skills might have been rusty but General Landry and the rest of the SGC had clearly underestimated her abilities. Once she had the Sodan cloak she headed up to the control room. After some snooping and eavesdropping she determined that she had two choices, two opportunities to sneak off the base with outgoing teams that afternoon. One a mere ten minutes away, with SG-11 - an uninhabited forest planet. The second in approximately an hour, with SG-6 - a trade planet. Instinct told her to leave right away and use the stargate on the forest planet to take her wherever she pleased. But her heart was still tugging her in another direction. Her mind rationalised her choice by claiming that on the trade planet she might be able to win herself a ship. Her heart just sighed at her brain's weak attempt at self-deception.

_She should have left right away. But she couldn't. Not yet._

So, instead of finding herself on some strange alien planet attempting to get as far away from Earth as possible, she found herself following her habitual route through the drab grey hallways of the base to a very familiar room. One in which she had spent an inordinate amount of time over the last year, considering her minimal interest in dusty artefacts. But Vala had never come to Daniel's lab for the myriad of books strewn about nor the statues or tablets or whatever other new artefacts graced the tables. She came here for the slightly grumpy, sometimes tiresome, but often endearing and always attractive Dr. Daniel Jackson.

What had begun as attempts to distract him from his work had soon become honest efforts to help him. It was the only way she could think of to spend time with him when he refused to take her off the base or to take a break from his work. She was willing to help translate Goa'uld or whatever he needed just to spend time with him, no matter how bored she may have gotten poking around under all that dust. It wasn't uncommon for her to fall asleep, curled up in his computer chair from either boredom or exhaustion. But recently she had awoken from these naps covered in his BDU jacket, and if she didn't stir too much she would catch him gazing at her, distracted momentarily from whatever language he was trying to decipher. Somehow seeing his soft smile as he observed her and waking up under the warm weight of his jacket - surrounded by the smell of old books, dusty planets, and an underlying scent that was uniquely Daniel - made the resulting sore neck completely worth it.

She'd be kidding herself if she said what had started as an unexplained pull towards this archaeologist - something that Vala had labelled as lust when she first noticed it on the Prometheus two years ago – hadn't become something much deeper. She'd also be kidding herself if she didn't notice that he was also finally opening up to her, that his feelings had seemed to be growing as well. Until now that is. But hey she was on a roll; self-delusions were becoming the theme of the day. So she continued to pretend that their growing feelings weren't a large part of what was holding her here. For now at least, it made it easier.

Sometimes the others would come here as well. Sam and Cameron teasing and bantering, once in awhile coaxing a constantly sought after smile out of Daniel, and Teal'c's quiet presence was always solid and reassuring. They would talk and laugh and for the first time in as long as she could remember she felt like a part of something. Before SG-1 she never let herself get close to people. She had learned long ago that if you didn't use people, they would use you, or be used against you and she couldn't handle that pain. Not again. But somehow, without her realising it, her walls had come down. And she had become part of this family. It was dysfunctional at best, but until now, it had been hers. She had finally started to feel like she belonged. It was her attachment to this odd, thrown-together group that held her here still.

_She should have left right away. But she couldn't. Not yet. She didn't want to._

Vala's brain screamed for her to escape while she still could, but it was more complex than a simple getaway now. Her heart no longer agreed with her mind's habitual analysis of the circumstances. That was what made this situation different, and infinitely more painful than all the other difficult spots she had found herself in over the years.

She sat on a worktable in the corner of the lab with her knees pulled to her chin. As she watched Daniel work, she remembered SG-1's faces in the briefing room after she told them about the second dream she'd had about the symbol and the Clava Thessara Infinitas. Her head fell back against the wall as the images of her friends disbelieving looks flashed through her mind. Vala's eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to prevent tears from falling. Somehow she had lost the trust of the few people in the galaxy she thought were her friends, the first people she had allowed herself to rely on fully since Quetesh. She couldn't believe the way they had brushed her off when her attempts to help had backfired. What cut the deepest was that Daniel had lost faith in her; a faith she had worked so hard to build up. She had looked to him desperately when the others had left the briefing room. Vala felt that he alone might believe her, support her once again. Somehow his silence hurt her more than any dismissive comment ever could. His footsteps echoed down the hallway as he too turned his back on her.

She had been "compromised." She didn't belong. Not anymore. This sense of loss washed over her and like a great wave pushed her away. Towards the door of Daniel's lab, then towards the gateroom. Vala knew this was her one chance to get away. So she took it. As much as it pained her to walk up the ramp and through that gate, away from Stargate Command, from her friends, _from Daniel_, she could not turn back now. Somehow Vala had lost her place here, as she had lost her place everywhere else she had travelled in the galaxy. Just when she had let down her guard, put down roots again, she had once more been torn away. She would not let it happen again though. Never again. She would go back to what she had been before – a drifter, alone, dependent only on herself. She told herself that once she got away she would feel better, that it would hurt less.

_She should have left right away. She didn't want to. But she had to._

Vala curled up in her uncomfortable bed at the dingy inn on the trade planet. She shivered and pulled the blankets closer, attempting to shield herself against the cold that pressed in on her in the dark, empty room. But the emptiness clawed at her no matter how tightly she wrapped the blankets. It was inside. Now, alone in this bare vacant room, she allowed her strength to waver for just a moment. Against her better judgement her mind strayed to what she had had on Earth, what her life had been, and what it could have been – a single tear rolled down her cheek, soaking into the pillow beneath.

_She had left. But for some reason, this time, it felt much more like being left behind._


End file.
